The Top Lunar Eclipse Fun Facts

In honor of tonight's lunar eclipse, the longest one of the century, please enjoy this list of The Top Lunar Eclipse Fun Facts.



They're kind of like a half-day for werewolves.



It's not actually an eclipse.  The moon's just too embarrassed to shine on what Earth's become.



They're like common sense, in that they're not always visible in America.



At the same time as the eclipse, Mars will be at its brightest, like two queens competing for the spotlight on "RuPaul's Drag Race".



The eclipse will last 103 minutes . . . but only if it remembers to take Viagra.



Since this one isn't visible in the U.S., the best way to see it is to be deported.



You can't hurt your eyes staring at them, like you can a solar eclipse, or topless photos of Chelsea Handler.



Some think it means the end of the world.  But that already happened when Kim Kardashian met Donald Trump at the White House.



It's a great time to get up on your roof with a telescope and . . . watch your hot neighbor shower.  Who cares about space?!?



According to the U.S. Constitution, throughout their duration, all crime is legal.



It gets nerds almost as excited as a Jawa speaking Klingon.



The effect is similar to what happens when Russell Crowe steps in front of a spotlight.



If you go to West Hollywood, guys there won't be looking at the moon . . . they'll be looking at URANUS. 



According to the White House, it'll only be visible in S-hole countries.



Idaho is the best place to see the eclipse.  Particularly if you want to see it while completely surrounded by white people.



Many Americans think it's called the Blood Moon because of an encounter with O.J. Simpson.



You won't need a telescope to see the eclipse.  But you will need a telescope to remind the world you're a hopeless virgin.



You don't need obnoxious glasses to watch it, but that won't stop Bono.



It lasts 103 minutes.  Like a Taylor Swift relationship.



It's visible across the world.  Well, it may be obscured in Colorado by a thick smoky haze.



During the eclipse, the moon will turn red.  Just like Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin did during the 2016 election.



You don't need to wear a condom to see it.  Oh, sorry . . . you don't need to wear EYE protection.



Instead of a total lunar eclipse, California will see a "like, totally" eclipse.



If you've been looking forward to this event for weeks, you really need some more excitement in your life.

Originally posted on July 27th, 2018



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